santa's on his way

I try, year after year to make it happen. I really do.
I have the loftiest of intentions. I resolve to have Christmas cards ready and mailed, I agonize over the cards themselves and buy enough to send to all my far flung family and friends but somehow....the cards remain in their boxes and the season passes and I end up putting them away till the following Christmas where I unearth them only to decide I need a fresh pack.
We have a lot of Christmas cards.

This year was going to be different.
This year, cards would go out AND they would not only arrive on time but they would also include a lovely photo of my two girls in matching dresses in a festive scene.
I made the date, I got the two mice in their dresses and off we went.

You can see what I got.

Amalia Rose was so terrified by the bearded guy she lost her mind.
Bad Santa!
Anika, the little trooper, did an admirable job posing.

I had to laugh and well, cards will go out this year but they won't be on time and they won't have a photo of Santa but they will be special none the less.

After a long day working in the shops, Dutch Husband and the girls came to get me and we headed out to Kits Beach.
The idea was a stroll along the waters edge to hunt for beach glass.
I love beach glass.
I have a little antique silverplated creamer filled with last summers treasure and am hoping to build up our budding collection.

Hunting for beach glass is fun.
Unfortunately, those lovely tumbled bits of magic are hard to come by, so we also tend to gather other treasures - bits of tumbled shell or pretty pebbles.

Watching the sunset we decided it was officially time to go home but Anika felt we had to stay a bit longer since "we haven't found enough pretty things together"
I swear, she said this.
It made me do a little happy dance inside.
I did however point out that, yes, we had found a few pieces of shell and some glass together and that tomorrow was indeed, another day.

Unfortunately, I will be in the shops all day and the girls will go to the beach with their loving daddy - I will meet up with my brood after we close for the day.
The waters edge and it's infinite treasures awaits.

My juggle of business and motherhood continues...

life lessons

I have been baking cupcakes allot lately.
Allot.
Bad enough that I end up eating most of them - me and cupcakes/fish with bicycle - not so necessary.

They aren't even the good homemade-from-scratch-cuz-I-am-amazing-mom-of-the-year-material.
They are from a box.
A box purchased at SuperStore.
Insert gasp and clutching of pearls here.

I'm even eating one now, as I write this.

How did this happen?
I think there was some vague idea that I should start honing my cupcake skills for future school bake sales and fundraisers.
After all Amalia Rose is almost a year old, any moment now I will be called upon to provide some sort of baked good for some sort of event. Right?

I had some notion that cupcakes, like a good soup, would be difficult to master and was a skill I'd best start working on right away.
I decided that to come out of the gate with a 'win' was best, shore up my confidance as it were, thus the box of cake mix. How can you f-up a box of cake mix?

Apparantly, you can't. It comes out 'perfect' every time.
Spongy, moist and oh so perfect.
Every. Time.
And easy.
I can rock star a batch of cupcakes for a crew of hubbies buddies in forty minutes from start to finish.

I have become "TBW" (the better wife) amongst hubbies friends.
Hubby is basking in the reflected glow from my cupcake glory.

How can I possibly now risk trying a real recipe? the box is so...so...easy.

growing pains

It is now 4:16 am.
Still time to be sleeping.
I am not.
Baby has two new teeth and countless others that are tormenting her and subsequently...me.
I have been up twice now to soothe her.
I am no longer sleepy.
I know that she will cry out again in an hour or so.
I seem to be back to those nights of two hours sleep at a time.

No one really warns you about this.

I'm finding that there are allot of things that no one really tells you about.

I guess if you really knew what you were in for you might think twice and then where would we all be?

I met a woman the other day who had raised seven kids.
She told me it was a conspiracy the way we women forget.
I guess that explains the seven kids.

Finding the balance of business woman and mom is an ongoing challenge. Add to the juggling act - wife, lover, elderly parent caregiver, taxicab, boss and loyal friend.
I know that I am not alone and I do take comfort in that.
I also appreciate just how fortunate I truly am - I run my own business and get to have my baby with me.
I am a lucky girl.
A stressed out girl, but darn it, lucky lucky lucky.

Today was a day filled with life's little, and not so little challenges.
I found myself this afternoon needing a good cry.
Sometimes the strain of being a grownup can be too much and a good cry seems to be not only necessary, but right.

I feel better now.
The world is still big and scary and challenging but it's also still full of possibility, hope and magic.

A tooth has finally arrived!
Well, not a tooth exactly, more like a little sliver of a tooth has made an appearance.
On Father's Day.
Babies daddy found it.
How fitting.

I was starting to think I would need to order dentures for my wee girl, ten months and not a tooth in her head!

A chance encounter with a helpful mom garnered me the fantastic tip about a homeopathic remedy - Camilia - little 1ml unit doses of a magical elixir.
Not only do I feel good about giving them to my precious babe - they work!
Really fast!

Available wherever homeopathic remedies are sold...

I've been thinking about getting a house sprite - an elf, or brownie, or just a good old fairy.
I've been thinking that my girls need a bit more magic in their little lives.
So, the plan is to start creating the mythology of our little house fairy - the husband wants to call him Ned.
Small gifts of nature will be left on bedside tables, impossibly tiny notes written in whisper thin pen will be strategically placed, and hunts for Ned will be organized in the garden.
I am hoping that this will spark their imaginations.

I know that Amalia at ten months of age is far too young to appreciate Ned, but I think her big sister of four will find it all rather amusing.
Who knows, she may decide to leave small offerings of cupcake crumbs for Ned to enjoy...

They say it takes a village to raise a child - I know this to be true.

Out running with another new mom/new friend the other morning, I was given some advice that really worked for me.
Amalia now sleeps thru the night and I am so thankful.
It took hearing what I already knew and suspected, repeated back at me, to give me the courage to sleep train my baby.
I have now given my daughter the gift of knowing how to fall asleep on her own.
She, in turn, has given me the gift of some much needed rest.

I so appreciate the support and wisdom of my fellow moms - I just wish it was easier to meet other moms and form those friendships.
The playground has become an interesting place, with cliques and tight little circles of women who just don't seem to want to add any more to their 'village' of support.
I am a friendly person by nature and it never ceases to shock and amaze me how insular women can be.
I will continue to persevere...

I never thought I would be one of those mothers who would put her child in a tutu, for a photo.

I was wrong.

I find that I was wrong about allot of stuff I didn't think I would do once I had a baby.

silly hats
pink
wanting to stay home with her

the list is growing.

It is beginning to dawn on me that I just may have an obsession with baby feet. I adore looking at those little piggies! Can't wait for the hot summer weather to arrive so I can leave her feet unshod - little summer slips with bare baby legs - yum!
Having said that, I do love a good pair of baby shoes and am always on the lookout for the unusual or the vintage.
Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon these amazing little embroidered booties.
Six pairs of incredible yummy-ness!
I will be putting them into the stores this week - the Barefoot Baby section is growing, slowly, but growing none the less.
I just can't decide which pair Amalia gets to keep...

Amalia's stroller is missing.
Someone came up onto our porch in the middle of the night and took it.
I know this because it's not there anymore.
I realize that it's not there anymore in this awful suspended moment of time, it stretches out before me.
Dread.
Slow, weightless, breathless.
Then denial.
Then tears.

I have allowed myself to wallow in anger for a few days. I've kept busy with thoughts of terrible woes befalling the thief. I've called for plagues, terrors and regrets to torment him/her.
My husband wants me to forgive.
He mentions this as he washes the dishes.
I should forgive the person who did this.
The person who would steal a baby stroller needs my forgivness.
I'm trying.
It's not easy.

With the birth of my beautiful little girl, Amalia, comes the desire to document and celebrate this amazing journey.
Her's and mine.
This child is such a gift.

I had come to slowly realize that with each passing year (and each failed relationship) my chances of being a wife and mother were fading away.
Much like a Sex in the City episode - I was finding myself questioning what I really wanted from my "Fabulous Life" and how the heck was I going to find Mr. Right.
I was over 35 and still searching.
Typical advice had always been to "stop looking and He will find you" (insert a rolling of the eyes here) but who could trust that?
How do you "let go and let God?"

As Fate would have it, the moment I had finally let go...and I mean really truly let go - in HE walked.

Well, more like came to give me a quote on my home renovation.

I fell in love with Gordon, the contractor.
In fact, that is how he is in my cellphone.
Gordon, the Contractor.
I've never bothered to change it - it makes me smile far too much to be amended.

Fast forward a year and imagine our surprise and delight at finding ourselves pregnant.
I am thankful for every day and every moment with my wonderful man, my Contractor, and our sweet little girl.
My little family.
Tho some days are more challenging than others, I would not trade it in for my old footloose and fancy-free single life.

As I write this, Amalia is tolerating (barely) being put in her bouncy chair.
I had hoped that the ability to sit on her own with toys that don't automatically drop out of her wee hands - would please her.
I am wrong.
At five months of age, she is only interested in my toys - cellphone, computer keyboard, car keys.
Sitting in my lap, her preferred throne.

Gordon, the Contractor, game me a beautiful camera for my birthday.
It is the best gift ever.
I am so obsessed with documenting everything. Photographing the everyday - the glorious wonderful magic of the everyday.
The story of my little family.

I have this need to stop and NOTICE everything.
I try to capture the small details, the nuances.

I know that these little moments will be the most important to me.